Difficult Decisions...

This time last year, Cory and I had already submitted our profile to our adoption agency and on the 8th we were officially a "waiting family." I can remember the excitement, nervousness, joy, and the fear that we felt. I wrote in a journal throughout our entire adoption process. Looking back, I can see the emotions that I felt and it brings back so many memories. I kept my cell phone on vibrate on my desk every day. I think that I probably checked both my cell phone and the agency web site at least twenty times a day. It was a crazy time, but it was also amazing when we did actually receive "the call."

Fast-forward one year and we are once again beginning the adoption process. Last time we started the process, we chose to enter the domestic infant program. That decision was made (not lightly I might add) partly because we wanted to experience having an infant and partly because we felt the domestic program fit us better at the time.

This time around, things don't seem so cut and dry. We are trying extremely hard to determine which program we want to pursue. I know that at some point we will be adopting internationally, but I'm just not sure if we should do one more domestic adoption first. One day I think we are going to enter the domestic program again and the next day I am convinced that international adoption is the way we should go. How do we decide?!?!

On one hand, with domestic adoption we know the process. We understand that there is no timeline, birth parents can change their mind for a certain amount of time, and that you put your heart out there and it can be hurt. We also remember the joy that it can bring. We remember being the first people to hold our new little baby, calling family and friends to exclaim that it's a girl, and we remember bringing her home from the hospital. We know who Allie's birth mom (T) is. We met her 2 days prior to her birth and then she visited 10 day after Allie's birth to meet Allie for the first time. We have pictures of all 4 of us together and we even have that picture in Allie's bedroom. We will always be able to talk about T to Allie and she will know how much we love and respect her for the difficult decisions she had to make. Allie will have the opportunity to know and love T. I thank God that we do know who T is and why she chose adoption.

On the other hand, my heart has always been drawn to international adoption. After much research, we have fallen in love with Ethiopian adoption. The process is beautiful, the children are deeply loved and often quite young, and there are thousands upon thousands of orphans who need homes. The wait for a typical Ethiopian adoption for us would be about 15 months. It would be nice to have an actual time line for our adoption, but after our last adoption 15 months seems like a long wait. There are also many other things we need to consider with international adoption. We would have to travel to Ethiopia for about two weeks and we'd have to leave Allie here. That would be extremely tough and then on top of that, that's two more weeks that I'd have to take off of work. Between the infertility treatments, the adoption process, the failed adoption, and then Allie's adoption I'm running short on sick days. With international adoption (because the children are older when they are placed in your home), sometimes there are attachement issues in which I'd want to spend an extended period of time home.

As you can see, we've weighed the pros and cons of each program and still haven't been able to come to some kind of conclusion. I just wish this decision was easier for us. I'm not really sure who all reads our blog, but I'd love to hear others thoughts on this topic!!!


The Carr Family said...

Grethe's husband is from Ethiopia, and Trent Guida and his wife, Katie, are also considering an ethiopian adoption...

I guess I really don't have any great advice for you, just to follow your heart. Allie is such a beautiful young lady and from what I have heard your situation couldn't have been more perfect.

Good luck with your decision and we can't wait to see what baby number 2 will add to your family.